Times like these

The Dilemma

I really shouldn’t be one to complain about this of this manner, and maybe by the time I’m done writing this I won’t be complaining anymore. In any case, I was recently “epiphanized” this past weekend during the annual TSC Thanksgiving.

My friend Shawn; who I have run cross-country, winter track, and spring track with for 5 years, was dating a girl named Jen. Now Shawn is a wee bit older than Jen so when Shawn went to college (locally), Jen was still in High School. Shawn is currently a college graduate while Jen is in her 2^nd year of school, in Plattsburgh, NY (4 hrs north of Shawn). The past couple of years have been very difficult for the two. They have been on and off and working on rebuilding their once impenetrable relationship. Throughout the years we (TSC) have all become close with Jen; as expected with any (girl)friend of TSC.

This coming December 16, Jen will be coming home from college to celebrate her 21^st birthday. Over the past 6 years or so, Jen has made it to the majority of the TSC Birthday Parties (usually a restaurant meal, nothing fancy). This year, Shawn asked us all to be there for Jen on her 21^st birthday and to bring her out to a bar for the first time.

Allow me to divert your attention before going any further with this. I am going to start down the next road which will inevitably intersect with the current road traveled.

Almost 2 years ago my friend James (not Jimmy) from New Jersey suffered a tragedy like no other; he lost his best friend to cancer (his father). Prior to this event, James was a fun guy who loved to be around his friends. If his friends were having any type of get-together, he was there in full support. Any time I visited from New York with Jimmy, James was there to meet us at a bar for some burgers and beer. On top of all of this, James has been an upstanding gentleman and a truly kind person. He always made people feel welcome around him and never wanted anyone to feel distant.

Since the event, James has spent a lot of time with his family and not as much time with his friends (understandable). A lot of his friends have been talking about getting together with James and throwing a party like they used to in the old days, but every time they tried this – the mood just wasn’t right. They all knew that James was still devastated by this terrible tragedy.

Recently, James contacted me and said he is renting a bar in Hoboken for the night and he wants all of his friends there with him. He said it is a chance to celebrate the birthdays and special events that he has missed over the past couple years. James is inviting everyone he has ever associated himself with and has gone out of his way to make each invited guest feel like the special guest of the night. He contacted myself a couple weeks back and asked if Kelly and I would join him at the bar in Hoboken that night. Immediately I replied with an “absolutely yes.” That bar night….

December 16, 2006.

Now we come to the dilemma in this story and the reason why I shouldn’t be complaining. I have a number of close friends in my life, and they are not all from the same circle. I have close friends in New Jersey, The Core, TSC and Long Island friends. All of these people are special to me and I want to spend as much time with them as I can.

The “problem” with having so many close friends that live so far apart, is finding the time to spend with them, and balancing that between conflicting events and even the most basic of things – spending time with Kelly and Trot in our home. Every time I get a phone call from a friend who wants to hang out in NYC or meet me at a bar in the Hamptons, or drive out to the Hudson Valley or Raritan Valley – I want to be there! I hate telling people that I can’t make it because I have other plans; but not nearly as much as I hate telling people I can’t make it because I want to spend some time at home.

Again, I have no real reason to complain because I have been blessed with good people in my life. Every one of my friends is a good person and someone that I truly enjoi spending time with. Balancing the needs and desires and wants of these friends has become a truly difficult matter.

Which events do I devote myself to? Who gets priority when two people request the same date? When do I get time to sit back with Kelly and Trot and relax? I can’t make these decisions by myself, they are far too important to be made on the fly. But if I don’t make a decision immediately, I can potentially distance myself or upset someone due to my inability to prioritize and make authoritative decisions.

What to do? What to do?

posted by David Malloy @ 8:53 AM