Times like these

Talking in circles

I sat down at work today and began sipping my coffee as I fumbled over to a notoriously addicting website Digg Dot Com. As usual, I start my day off here to see if there is any late breaking Technology news that could make my job any easier.

No such luck

I then hopped, skipped and jumped over to my next and even more dangerous obsession, Woot Dot Com. The Woot today sucks. It's some silly contraption that will allow me to play my invisible MP3 player through my speakers *yawn.*

Boo.

So what now? Ah, blog. Here I am writing a blog entry and I'm not sure that I really have a topic in mind. I can think back to the last few conversations I have had with friends, but those "hot button" discussions don't last long because somebody throws in the ever-timely "you're gay" at some point. It's been a while now since I've had an opportunity to sit down with someone and have a conversation about anything and everything - preferably a topic of interest - and talk myself in a circle again.

I think back to my days as a budding college student in a liberal arts school. I remember my first couple classes in Sociology and how eye opening and even more so, how mind opening it was. Previous to this "enlightened" period of my life, I was not only blind to what was actually going on around me, but I was incapable of handling a thought process that would allow me to discuss those issues intelligently.

Example.

Prior to college, if the issue of racism came up, I would find some way to turn it around and say things like, "Racism is dead and has been for half a century. Any racism you see is not directed at the race, rather at a specific person. And since you can't explain why he's mad, you call it racism."

During college, if the issue of racism came up, I would look to the books for an answer and probably quote somebody and speak of the struggles of the black man or woman in a white society. "How difficult must it be, to have to wear the vail of whiteness, so that you can participate in society? Why must people pretend and conform to a "color standard" to fit in? This is completely unacceptable and it is due entirely to the oppression of the white man who controls the white government and creates laws deliberately aimed at attacking the black society!"

After college, if the issue of racism came up, I stopped talking, and started to listen. I wanted to hear what other people had to say - I wanted to hear what it was like to be non-white in a society that demands "whiteness."

Then I got a job, and I traveled around the country meeting new people every single day. I wanted to spend more time listening but it was so hard. When I meet new people, I want them to understand me before they judge me, so I'm quick to throw out my opinions and thoughts. I remember being so nervous that people would avoid conversations unrelated to work and would stick to movies, music and industry talk.

But that's not me. I'm the guy who says too much and gets people wondering, "who the fuck is this guy?" It is just how I roll.

I had this moment earlier this morning while reading an article about some politician who was hired to rig election machine software and now he's running for Congress against the guy who hired him!! All of this coming out just a week before midterm elections.

But I have nobody to talk to. I have nobody who cares and nobody who wants to speak and listen and exchange thoughts and opinions. Nobody who can disagree with me, yet proceed with the discussion and avoid the argument. I think it's great when two opposing sides discuss an issue like real humans. They can get all fired up and energetic about the discussion - but keep the real truth of it all in sight.

We're both passionate about our beliefs and ideals and we want to discuss them openly and freely.

I think back to the day before my first ever Casual Friday. It was Thursday Night and I didn't bring any casual clothing that week because I'm fine just chilling in my work clothes. When I found out we could wear jeans the next day, I was SO EXCITED! Helen, Preeti and I decided to go to Olive Garden for dinner that night and right across the street was an Old Navy. Since the wait was 45 minutes or so, I decided to spring across the street and through the bushes. I bought a tattered looking pair of jeans (kind of tight - NOT intentional) and a purple/blue shirt, wrinkled.

I skidoodled back across the street and over to the Olive Garden only to find Helen and Preeti sitting down on the same side of the table. I remember this image like it was yesterday because that was the day that I learned a lot about Preeti, and her religion - and her personal thoughts about that religion. I'm not sure how the discussion began (clear as day right?) but I know that we both felt comfortable talking about the history of our religions, some of the rites and rituals and the cornerstone beliefs and ideology.

At some point, after getting all of the facts out of the way, we began discussing the personal side of religion - the side that effects our lives and how we choose to use religion. I found out that we were both very similar because we both have a hard time swallowing the whole "book" and commit it as "God's word and absolute truth." We both tended to agree that religion should be more about guiding your life in the right direction - not controlling every aspect.

I mean, if I was put on this Earth to serve a purpose and that purpose is to pray and devote my entire life to God, then why put me down here at all? If that is the true purpose, then doesn't that make God an egomaniac? I would like to think not. Then again, I could get into a whole book about my thoughts on religion and the origins of my belief system.

What caught me as interesting, was Helen's attention and devotion to the conversation at hand. I don't remember if she ever said one thing about the topic itself - rather she listened and seemed to enjoi listening to us speak. Not many people understand this or even appreciate this - those who listen and enjoi listening, are rare - one in a billion. How many people truly enjoi listening to a conversation taking place right in front of them? No ulterior motives or intentions, just pure enjoiment. Rare. Unique. And if I may, Yunique. Get it? Yu - nique. YES!

One of the most beautiful aspects of life is the cloud clearing effect that occurs after you "clear the air." You take off the perception of reality and show the cold hard facts of your inner thoughts. It's like going to therapy and talking yourself in a circle until you realize you knew the answer the entire time. We all have the answers to life somewhere in our heads - it's all about finding the right people and engaging in the right conversations that will allow us to retrieve those answers.

One theorists believes our brains hold all the knowledge of existence, and learning is the process of uncovering that knowledge. He refuses to believe that we obtain new knowledge and it is stored as a wrinkle in our brains. Part of this makes sense to me - especially the part about our brains having all of the knowledge... I like to think I know it all.

posted by David Malloy @ 8:29 AM